Validation, the Child Within, and the Courage to Not Dim the Light
December invites honesty.
The kind that shows up when the world quiets and the year looks back at you.
This month, I’ve been thinking about validation—adult validation.
As adults, we still need reassurance.
Not because we are broken.
Not because we are lonely.
But because inside each of us lives a child who once learned that safety came from being seen and heard.
Validation tells that child:
“You’re okay. You belong. You’re safe right now.”
When the Search for Validation Goes Sideways
Needing validation is not the problem.
Never examining it is.
Unchecked feelings don’t fade with time.
They follow us into adulthood.
Sometimes they show up as comparison.
Sometimes as control.
Sometimes as the urge to dim someone else’s light so ours feels brighter.
And sometimes, people don’t do this alone.
They recruit others to validate the behavior.
But agreement does not equal healing.
It only delays it.
The Cycle We All Recognize
There is often that one moment—
That one person—
That one comment-
That pulls old feelings back to the surface.
Suddenly, insecurity is loud again.
The cycle restarts.
That’s human.
But awareness is where growth begins.
The Whisper to Shout Moment
This is where Whisper to Shout™ lives.
The whisper says:
“This doesn’t feel right.”
The shout doesn’t have to embarrass anyone.
Sometimes it’s simply choosing not to participate.
Choosing kindness.
Choosing integrity.
Many people stay silent not because they agree but because they, too, are searching for validation.
But silence has a cost.
The Strongest Validation of All
I’ll say this honestly:
I am still searching for validation too.
But I’ve learned that the most lasting validation the kind that doesn’t crumble when others disappoint you is spiritual.
It doesn’t require permission.
It doesn’t need consensus.
It anchors you.
That kind of validation scares people because it cannot be taken away.
Imagine how different we would be if more of us validated ourselves from that place.
A December Invitation
Before the year closes, ask yourself gently:
• Where am I seeking validation?
• Does it bring peace—or does it cost someone else theirs?
• Is there a whisper inside me asking for courage?
You are allowed to need reassurance.
You are allowed to grow slowly.
You are allowed to protect your light.
Just don’t dim someone else’s along the way.
That whisper you feel?
It matters.
And when the moment comes—it knows how to become a shout.